Ne me Quitte Pas

Ello Darlings!!

I’m having a rather melancholy day. I will write about two things, and no more.

1. I am absolutely dying to try out the Molecule 01 Perfume now. I’ve found a few places online with reasonably priced samples, so I want to try those out before buying it. It just sounds really great as an eventual signature scent. Plus they’ve got like an 01, 02, and 03, each one a little different. I can try out a sample of each and choose one. I’m excited! 😀

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2. I hope it won’t bother you to read this small essay I’ve written. At least, it looked like an essay on the notepaper…

But who will remember these things? And who will treasure them when I am gone? Will anybody care? And sometimes I’m not all here, and I act upset and say mean things and wish I was high. But that isn’t me, honest. It’s maybe a small part, but mostly it isn’t me. Because I’m a dreamer who hopes and wishes. And I think magic is real, it’s memories, and it’s a moment, the perfect moment. And I wish I could share these feelings, but nobody ever asks. But they should. And when they ask, “How are you?” and I tell them, “Not doing so good, things are up and down.” And then they ask me, “Why down? What are the downs?”. And I wish I could tell them how down is anything that’s not up, it’s anything that’s not magical. But I just smile and tell them not to bother about my downs, for I’m sure they have enough of their own, and how I’m alive, and that’s enough for me, even though it isn’t. So I stand and lie widely, and beautifully, and they believe me, so then the topic changes. Every time I manage to avoid explaining the downs. And I avoid that because some things, like passion and inspiration and dreams and magic, are too hard to explain. It’s impossible to take them out of my heart and head so others can understand. They’ve been in there for too long. So I let them believe that survival is enough for me, even though it really isn’t. And I hope you understand what I’m saying. I’m the type of girl who needs beauty, not survival. And I hope that I get it one day, along with happiness. I hope that I get lots of beauty in and around and above and beyond. Because right now, I’m working far too hard for it, and seeing too few results. But I guess that’s the way it is. I hope it changes soon. I need some of that magic to make me a perfect, beautiful moment. I can’t just survive. That’s not the way I work.

Thanks for listening to this crazy junk I’ve written 😛

I’m feeling rather sentimental for no particular reason (and of course that’s a lie, too).

-XOXO

NCA

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2 thoughts on “Ne me Quitte Pas

  1. Your essay was beautiful! I think I’m going to print it out and save it in my book. It’s sort of like a journal and sort of not either way your writing is excellent. I love reading your work.

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