Currently Wearing: Purple Zara Turtleneck, Gray Chanel t-shirt, a Black to Blue Ombre Leather Skirt that I DIY’d, Cross Patterned Tights by Deb, and Acorn Riding Boots by Madden Girl.
Currently Listening To: What About Love, Austen Mahone
(For those who can’t see the photo: The true mark of maturity is when somebody hurts you and you try to understand their situation instead of hurting them back.)
Gawsh, this quote is so absolutely true for me right now. I don’t want to say this in a way where I’m bragging, but it just seems to describe my situation. See, there have been tons of times where somebody has hurt me, but I’ve found it’s a lot easier to try to asses how things are from their perspective then to try to enact revenge on them.
For instance, whenever D broke up with me, I had no idea why. Yeah, I cried, I was confused and upset, but I tried to understand him. I knew he was a ballet dancer, they have hard lives (going to be a professional, unlike me). I was sure there was a reason behind it. So eventually he explained things to me (months later). He really had been in a terrible situation, and honestly at that point I was really the least of his problems. If he’d told me about those things at the time, I would’ve tried to help him, but he chose not to confide…and I just know that some people have a lot more to deal with then me. So I’m not surprised whenever I’m… jilted… can I use that word for it? Our relationship was one extra thing for him to worry about. It wasn’t strained or anything, but the fact was that it wasn’t really anything special. Just two friends having a go at dating.
But somehow, despite the fact that I’m good at understanding that I may not be the first thing on a guy’s mind, it still upsets me whenever I find out that I’m not their first choice. It most definitely does. I’ve still to call K and ask for the details, but honestly, it’s just a completely melancholy feeling. Apparently A definitely has no feelings for me. Guess I’m just not his type of girl. But I am fully in wonder as to how K has received this information.
In reference to the quote, K says that A seems to like V. Her being my other best friend, it’s a mixed feeling. K will probably demand to know why I will continue being friends with her after this. But I will. And here is the reason. V has a hard life, and despite what other people may think, being pretty and known only makes it worse. This Sunday, she broke out sobbing in church. Literally. I had to try to comfort her. Warm coat coverings, hand massages, wet and matted hair, took all of it upon myself as much as I could. Apparently things are really terrible between her Dad and her. I can only imagine. Being beautiful can complicate things. And she needs a friend, she’s got her sister, but so many people (I and D and K and just so many) have given up on being friends with her. Honestly, until I see a real example of her so-called ‘cruelty’, and maybe she really is changing me, but I’d change anyways, without being her friend. It is sad that boys naturally gravitate toward her, but that’s just the way it is. I’ll just do my best to be her friend. These happenings aren’t her fault. So that’s where my quote comes in. No revenge, but understanding.
There’s a good side to all this too! Just the sort of thing to help me attempt to forget everything else and throw myself into dance! Socialization feels like a lost cause. I’ve honestly got nothing better to do. It’s either do makeup and take videos and pictures, go shopping and spend my hard-earned-quickly-diminishing supply of money, or stretching my poor legs to their absolute limit. But the great thing is, I no longer feel crazy sore after working out every evening. It used to be that I’d wake up the next morning with a headache and aching legs after doing my twenty plies and twenty (attempts) at grande jetes, among other things, but not anymore.
Plus I’ve got several things to look forward to every weekend, and Mass. conference is coming up. Things aren’t so bad.