Head in the clouds, got no weight on my shoulders..

‘Ello Darlings!

(a la title): That gorgeouss trill in Ariana Grande’s song just takes my breath away. Singing it, thanks to my voice lessons, is a breeze. Yet I still say, nobody can do it as well as that dearie.

You know, admirations’ always provided me with drive. If I admire something, Imonna try to achieve it myself, no matter the cost. Sometimes, unfortunately, that cost includes close friends. It includes sacrifice of time and money. Maybe it means giving up a favorite school, or choosing not to talk to someone you like in order to save face or to not seem desperate. Unfortunately, in the end, even if you achieve the admiration you were going for, it’s not enough. You still want more, maybe something else. More power. We’re all greedy, and we regret that greediness, even as we chase it. I guess that’s wierd, and it’s sad. Makes me want to cry, often, thinking about the things I’ve lost along the way. Yet at the same time, I glow golden-like with self-pride. I’m this way; Missing what I had back then, extremely happy with what I have now, yet not content enough to leave well enough along and give up thinking about the future.

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I had a great second/third week of June. It’s been a fantastic summer so far. I was gone at an overnight camp for a little more then a half week. My sis came with me, and she and this one guy she likes met up. It was absolutely adorbs, and the outcome of it is that she basically has a boyfriend. It makes me feel so, so absolutely happy for her! Yet at the same time, it makes me feel pretty darn lonely. Sometimes I just don’t understand what goes on in a guys head when they see a girl. I can’t understand their reasons, and I’m not going to try, but I hate not knowing this sort of thing. I’m not really an expert in anything. And I change my character practically depending on who I’m with. Like around my (basically) best guy friend, I act funky and like a complete doofus. Then around this other guy I know, who likes me, I act all serious and polite and like, chiquesque and things. It’s two sides of me, same person, just separate depending on who I’m comfortable with and how they present themselves to me.

And then there are the third kind, like people who I don’t know where I stand with. Guys I like, or girls I want to be friends with but aren’t yet acquainted with. I don’t know whether to go all nuts, since thats what I normally do with their bestie. I don’t know which side of myself they’ll like best. I guess I end up as a sort of crazy mess. Hey, at least I know I’ve got people who have my back, sorta.

I also know I have enemies. And it hurts when the people who have my back, cajole around with my enemies. And it’s not even my fault they have something against me. But I’m afraid that any comment I say, perchance, when I’m being comfortable around K, will be backlashed by this enemy of mine. That she’ll come out with her long whip of jet-black hair and prepare to set words of steel into my cousin’s heart. And it’s be a real terrible thing, to lose her. It’s few people who have my back, and honestly, I’m the only one who knows much about myself, and it’s so much information. There’s too much information in me, to many passages I could travel down, like a haunted house. I get lost quickly.

Anyhows, it’s late, so I’mma fly.

-Lonely, but Fabulous.

NicoleNonChaire

 

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4 thoughts on “Head in the clouds, got no weight on my shoulders..

  1. Hello dearie,
    I think it’s normal that you show different sides of you depending on who you’re with. It’s not like you’re transforming to a completely different person, it’s just that you’re unleashing different parts of you. We’re just being chameleons– tweaking our colours to blend in with our environment. But dearie, you were born to stand out. It’s normal, although not ideal. “Ideal” would be being Nicole all the time, and don’t compromise it for anyone. You’re amazing, each and every single part of you. I wish we, as people, weren’t so afraid of what other people think. In the end, it’s how we see ourselves that matter.
    Amazing post, as usual. I enjoyed reading ever bit of it. I swear, each post of yours is like a perfectly narrated tale.
    Good luck,
    Adrian.

    • Your comments are so darn encouraging! Sorry I haven’t been able to reply, Dad wants me to spend less time hogging the screen and more time… gulp… weeding outside. 🙂 Hey, atleast it gives me a chance to tan!!
      Yes! I wish I knew how to control myself, though, so that the parts of me that people want to see the most come out just for them. Instead I’m a jumbled mess, and I don’t know what they enjoy most about me… too bad I can’t read minds xD I’ll just hope that they love me, no matter who I am when I’m with them, lol. And obviously I don’t want to come off as caring about what people think about me to the point of being afraid,… peer pressure is a reality tho, m’dear. Especially here where I am. It sneaks up on you from behind. Very wierd stuff.
      I see myself as fabulous, and that’s all that counts in the end, haha! I’m glad you enjoy reading my stories (; reality is so much more interesting then fabrication, in the end.
      -Lonely but Fabulous
      N.C.A.

  2. Great post, girl!
    And don´t worry we all are a little different when we are in the presence of different people and we all have different sides in us. The trick is to be around these people who bring out the best sides in you 🙂
    Have a nice day!
    Maarja

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