(a la title): That gorgeouss trill in Ariana Grande’s song just takes my breath away. Singing it, thanks to my voice lessons, is a breeze. Yet I still say, nobody can do it as well as that dearie.
You know, admirations’ always provided me with drive. If I admire something, Imonna try to achieve it myself, no matter the cost. Sometimes, unfortunately, that cost includes close friends. It includes sacrifice of time and money. Maybe it means giving up a favorite school, or choosing not to talk to someone you like in order to save face or to not seem desperate. Unfortunately, in the end, even if you achieve the admiration you were going for, it’s not enough. You still want more, maybe something else. More power. We’re all greedy, and we regret that greediness, even as we chase it. I guess that’s wierd, and it’s sad. Makes me want to cry, often, thinking about the things I’ve lost along the way. Yet at the same time, I glow golden-like with self-pride. I’m this way; Missing what I had back then, extremely happy with what I have now, yet not content enough to leave well enough along and give up thinking about the future.
I had a great second/third week of June. It’s been a fantastic summer so far. I was gone at an overnight camp for a little more then a half week. My sis came with me, and she and this one guy she likes met up. It was absolutely adorbs, and the outcome of it is that she basically has a boyfriend. It makes me feel so, so absolutely happy for her! Yet at the same time, it makes me feel pretty darn lonely. Sometimes I just don’t understand what goes on in a guys head when they see a girl. I can’t understand their reasons, and I’m not going to try, but I hate not knowing this sort of thing. I’m not really an expert in anything. And I change my character practically depending on who I’m with. Like around my (basically) best guy friend, I act funky and like a complete doofus. Then around this other guy I know, who likes me, I act all serious and polite and like, chiquesque and things. It’s two sides of me, same person, just separate depending on who I’m comfortable with and how they present themselves to me.
And then there are the third kind, like people who I don’t know where I stand with. Guys I like, or girls I want to be friends with but aren’t yet acquainted with. I don’t know whether to go all nuts, since thats what I normally do with their bestie. I don’t know which side of myself they’ll like best. I guess I end up as a sort of crazy mess. Hey, at least I know I’ve got people who have my back, sorta.
I also know I have enemies. And it hurts when the people who have my back, cajole around with my enemies. And it’s not even my fault they have something against me. But I’m afraid that any comment I say, perchance, when I’m being comfortable around K, will be backlashed by this enemy of mine. That she’ll come out with her long whip of jet-black hair and prepare to set words of steel into my cousin’s heart. And it’s be a real terrible thing, to lose her. It’s few people who have my back, and honestly, I’m the only one who knows much about myself, and it’s so much information. There’s too much information in me, to many passages I could travel down, like a haunted house. I get lost quickly.
Anyhows, it’s late, so I’mma fly.
-Lonely, but Fabulous.